Pink Satin
by Moxie-Proxie
Summary: Within a few months the letters stopped coming. Even if they had continued, with all the tinkering that had been done to her brain she wouldn’t have understand his words anyway. But his shirt, his scent, his memory  this she understood. [RiverOC]


She found them in an old trunk of hers stored in Simon's room. While she was trying to find a shirt that she was fairly certain had been tossed in the wrong laundry basket. Malcolm Reynolds may be a fine captain and a strong solider, but the man shouldn't be allowed within twenty feet of a washer and dryer unit. Inara nearly strangled him when he put her hand-dyed, red silk sari in with a load of greasy, dusty work clothes. Not only had it shrunk, but it was tie-dyed orange thanks to Kaylee's jumpsuit bleeding during the washing cycle. She hadn't entirely forgiven sweetheart her yet, and River didn't blame her. The garment was exquisite. It was now a pile of exquisite, multicolored cleaning rags.

Plus, there was the added bonus of watching the good Captain squirm under Inara's death glare for the past few days. _Yes, that is entertaining_; River giggled to herself, still digging through the clothes piled on her brother's bed. For a doctor, outside the infirmary his organizational skills left something to be desired.

"Of course, it could be because a certain mechanic has been preoccupying him," she grinned to herself. Kaylee had captured his heart and while his medical talents hadn't suffered, he was too busy being in love to worry about putting away clothes. Most evenings he was in Kaylee's room now, so his bunk was a formality at best.

She was nearly going to leave when she spotted the small trunk shoved into what could only passingly be called a closet. It was more or less a panel that could be removed from the wall with a screwdriver to reveal a cubby hole. And she knew just where she could find the tool she needed to investigate this mystery.

Today the ship was hers. They had all gone planet-side so that Zoë could have her monthly prenatal visit, Inara had gone with her; while Kaylee and her brother were restocking the ship with food and medical supplies. Meanwhile, Mal and Jayne were looking for new clients after dropping off the most recent job's shipment of goods. Which gave her a good hour or two before any of them might begin to return and she relished the cool, welcoming silence of the boat.

"Beautiful firefly..." she whispered, her hands tenderly caressing the ship's walls, railings and doorways. She'd done this before. Late at night when she couldn't sleep, she would tip-toe around the ship, sometimes sitting on the stairs above the cargo bay. Enjoying how her feet dangled down into nothing but the air below, listening to Serenity singing her evening song. A low, pleased rumble with a bit of whine every now and then if they hit a pocket of turbulence.

She'd been doing just that one evening when she heard the familiar clunk of boots on metal. Fearing it might be Mal doing a night check, she walked up a railing and tucked herself into one of the many nooks at the top of the ship. He had caught her once, on one of her night wanderings. His brow had scrunched in the way she knew meant the Captain was not happy. He didn't have to say a word, just pointed in the direction of her room and off she went, marching away like a scolded recruit. Thankfully it wasn't Mal, but Wash who entered the cargo bay tonight.

She liked Hoban Washburne. He was funny, and kind and he knew how to make Serenity sing in the way she liked best. He never seemed afraid of what she could do, more like gently amused by her occasional murderous outbursts. He was tender and lovable, everything that the good Captain struggled not to be.

"Evenin' River," he said, pulling up a spot on the bridge over the bay. Directly below where she was hanging.

Her head cocked to the side, "How did you know River was here?"

He looked up with that familiar smile, "Maybe I'm psychic too," he winked. "Tea?"

He held up a tin cup in offering. Cautiously she crept down from her perch, slowly slinking over to him like a cat. Wash tried not to smile too much, if she had whiskers they'd be twitching right about now. Tentatively she sniffed at the tea he held out, it smelled like peppermint. _Sweet peppermint kisses. _Memories washed over her like the warmth of the steam rising from the cup.

_They used to dance together. He was her partner during training and classes. Before she went to The Academy. His hands holding hers, upper body in perfect frame as they skimmed across the floor. He always knew just how to lead. She trusted him with her body, twirling her around on her toes, lifting her up or swinging her around like a planet orbiting its sun. Anything the dance required. She was always in good hands. Beautiful shoulders, strong biceps that made her flush when he caught her looking a little too long. Soft brown eyes, an a smile that made her heart skip beats. With that hair, a black mohawk streaked with bright red. Somehow he made it look charming, geeky and handsome all at once. Kameron. Her best friend. The boy with kisses like peppermint tea..._

"River?" Wash peered into the dark eyes that seemed to have clouded over on him. "River, sweetie, are you all right?"

"Memories play through the brainpan like a movie. Peppermint tea sweetened with kisses and pink satin shoes," she whispered. She closed her eyes for a moment, wishing she could live in the memory.

"It sounds like a good memory," he smiled, gently reaching out and tucking a loose curl behind her ear, before picking up the tea and placing it in her hands. "What was his name?"

"Kameron," just saying it made her smile, "Kameron Haarsma."

"Tell me about him."

They'd spent two hours talking that night, sipping at warm tea while she curled on the bridge floor; her feet eventually landing in his lap, her long hair falling through the holes in the grate. He listened attentively while she recanted stories of sneaking out her bedroom window and sitting on the rooftop, leaning her head against his shoulder. Dancing on the grass at midnight. Kameron sneaking out of the boys dorm at night to take her on motor-bike rides.

As swiftly at it had washed over her, the memory of her evenings with Wash disappeared. With a soft sigh she continued on her trek to the engine room. She was so familiar with the ship, that it didn't take her long to get to there and dig a screwdriver out of Kaylee's scattered collection of tools. With thoughts of Kameron in her mind, she headed back to Simon's room to open the cubby hole. She doubted the shirt she wanted was in there, but the actual need for it had been over-ruled by her curiosity. It didn't take her long to gain access to the cubby, eight screws and one removed panel later, she dragged the trunk to the middle of the room. Recognizing it almost immediately, the soft brown leather of her steamer trunk. Running a hand over the dusty fabric, she fingered the stitching of her name. _River Tam_. These were the trunks she'd taken to the _Bennett Academy of the Arts_. She'd been so happy there, with him. Kneeling down to open the latches her smile bloomed at the thought of him.

She'd never been away from home before. Inside she was telling herself that she shouldn't be nervous, she was still on Osiris and her family was only a short flight away. But as she sat unpacking her trunk, in the quiet stillness of her room the doubt began creeping in. There were so many dancers here, three times the number of students she'd trained with in secondary-school. She'd been a butterfly in a sea of moths. What if she didn't make the cut here? What if she wasn't that special after all?

The knock on her door interrupted her thoughts. Setting aside the shirt she'd been folding, she moved to it cautiously. Who would be knocking on her door? Opening it just enough to peer at the person standing on the other side, she nearly slammed it shut again. It was the boy. The one with the clashing hair and the eyebrow piercing that her father had nearly snarled at. He wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of his fifteen year old daughter going to a coed private school, no matter how high the credentials.

"Hello," he stuck his hand through the crack in the door, obviously not affronted by her scrutiny, "you must be River Tam. I'm Kameron."

"Good to meet you, Kameron," she whispered in Chinese, shaking his hand.

He had a firm grip, intense brown eyes and a lean build.

"You're a dancer," she said before she could remember to feel shy.

"Yup," his smile widened with pride. "How'd you guess?"

"I'm good at reading people," she smiled a little, "you've got a good build for it, under the clothes."

She wasn't however, good at being smooth around handsome boys, but he didn't seem insulted by her words. She did a slow one-over of his bright red polo over a gray thermal shirt, two necklaces with multiple pendants, baggy blue jeans and a pair of bright red sneakers that matched his hair. The layers hid toned muscle an a corporeal fluidity that she would come to know very well.

He wasn't the least bit phased by her slow examination, in fact if she was reading his smile right, he was enjoying it. She was so intent in examining him, that she hardly noticed he'd nudged the door open with his foot and was doing his own appraisal of her as well. She was a little on the thin side, he guessed ballerina or some similar classical training. But she had long, muscular legs that the ended in quite possibly the loveliest set of feet he'd ever seen. She looked a little boyish and uncomfortable in the pleated pink skirt and tank she was wearing, but her long hair with its touch of curl gave her a wild, slightly exotic look. Accentuated by her dark, expressive eyes and pert mouth. She would make quite the partner on the dance floor, he had that feeling.

"Want help unpacking? I could show you around after?" That was how he'd entered her heart. Unexpected and kind, like she'd known him all her life.

The hinges of the trunk squeaked as she lifted the lid. A piece of plain linen covered the treasure inside, the scent of age and the memories filling the air as she pulled it back. Sweet earthiness of the cedar trunk lining, dirty familiar undertones of Serenity, an a lingering note of her mother's perfume. Kameron's favorite shirt; the first thing she saw when she pulled back the fabric, made her throat tighten instantly. It was a bright red polo that would look hideous on anyone else but him. She loved it. Had it sealed in plastic just so that it wouldn't lose its "Kameron smell". Air hissed as she broke the seal on the bag, before gingerly lifting out the soft cotton shirt. Real, tender cotton too, one of the few shirts he had that wasn't somehow synthetic.

She held it against her chest, wishing it was him and not just his shirt in her embrace. Then she lifted it to her face, the cool gentle touch of the fabric against her skin. The scent of him overwhelming her. His spicy-sweet cologne was embedded in it, she detected hair soap and laundry detergent. Clean. And then just ... Kameron. He had a scent that could only be pinned down to warmth and sweetness, a boy on the edge of man. It made knots form in her stomach as she leaned against Simon's bed and did her best to wallow in the scent, the memory.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Tam?" he sat on the floor of the library with her, books and papers strewn all around.

They were sitting in a corner of the library, surrounded by everything and anything they were able to dig up on The Academy. There wasn't much; a handful of news waves, e-articles, and mention or two in arts journals. It made Kameron nervous.

"Kameron, they're the best dance school in the Core," she couldn't sit still, she was so excited about the thought of being invited into the program. It was what she'd always dreamed of. She'd already finished high-school and begun college coursework, but at the Academy she could put all her energy into dance. All her heart and soul.

He could see how excited she was, could hardly keep from dancing. Pacing the length of the row, doing spins and twirls to try and spend some of her energy. Her hair twirling around her shoulders, her face glowing with joy. He was falling in love with her, he didn't want to admit it out loud just yet but he couldn't deny how she made him feel. The thought of losing her made him ache. He'd only gotten a year with her, it wasn't nearly enough.

"I just, the only information we can find is what _they_ give us. Other than that we can barely scrounge up any data on them. That doesn't seem strange to you?"

"I guess, maybe but... haven't you ever just felt like you're supposed to go some place? Like it's your destiny?"

"Yes," this was a battle he was going to lose.

"I'll write all the time, and waves! I'll send waves, and you can come visit," she smiled.

He smiled up at her, pushing the books and articles away, "come here."

She sat down next to him, and he tugged her into his lap. Cupping her face in his hands, looking into those big beautiful eyes of hers.

"We'll see each other all the time," she whispered, "maybe we'll even compete against each other."

But it hadn't happened like that. Six months later she'd gone to The Academy. At first there were letters and waves. He wrote her all the time; keeping her updated on himself, his family and their small crew of friends. But within a few months the letters stopped coming. Even if they had continued, with all the tinkering that was being done to her brain she wouldn't have understand his words anyway. But his shirt, his scent, his memory - this she understood. She would never forget.

"River?" he stood in the doorway, watching her as she sat cross-legged on his bed. "What's wrong?"

"I've been accepted," she whispered.

Closer now, he could see the papers in her lap. Sitting next to her, he gently took the papers from her hands. _Dear Miss Tam, we congratulate you on your acceptance to The Academy..._ he didn't have to read anymore.

"When do they want to come get you?"

"Six months," she said.

"River," he took her hand, squeezing it tenderly between his, "are you sure this is what you want? I mean, you could decline it and..."

"And what, Kam?" she turned to him, the indecision in her eyes tearing at him.

"Stay with me..."

Tenderly he cupped her cheek, looking into the face of the girl he loved. The only girl who had ever truly challenged him on the dance floor, the only one who'd been honest and innocent and beautiful. The only girl he'd ever wanted to give his heart to.

"I love you," his thumb brushed over her full bottom lip.

Just before leaning forward and pressing his mouth to hers, his hand cupping the back of her head, his fingers tangling in her soft hair. Pulling her into his lap, cradling her. He smiled against her mouth when her fingers fisted in his hair. One delicate hand sliding down his neck, over the strong shoulders that made her mouth go dry. Holding on. Breathless when he pulled away, her mouth warm from his kiss, she touched her lips.

"Peppermint?"

He chuckled, "I left us some tea on the sideboard outside the door.

"How did you know I would be here?"

"Aunt Heather told me you got some mail today, I guessed," he said. "If you weren't here I was going to head to your room next."

"I'm excited and I want to go still but... the thought of leaving you. Leaving Marian, Jonas, Will - all of you." Tears she'd been holding back all day, welled up, "mostly you."

His eyes darkened with sadness as he stroked a thumb over her cheek. Pressed his mouth to her brow. She looked so comfortable there in his embrace, he hated that within a few months she would be gone.

"We'll make the most of the time you've got left," he smiled. He wasn't going to stand in the way of her dreams. "Your birthday's coming up, we need a celebration."

Celebration was putting it mildly. Kameron and her friends had thrown together what Kaylee would've proudly called a shindig. Classes had been canceled for two whole days - one for her birthday, and one as an early farewell - and they'd decorated the grounds with dozens of white christmas lights and paper lanterns, it was beautiful. Kameron's aunt Heather, the school's headmistress, had cooked all her favorite foods and made a delicious chocolate cake with double-chocolate icing. There was music and dancing, laughter an a little stolen saki, and presents.

"Really Mari, you all didn't have to get me anything. I'm just so glad for your friendship," she was overwhelmed by their love and support. She could've been swallowed whole by their affection.

Marian rolled her blue eyes, "All right, all right you've got the modest part down-"

"Now open your _aiya_ present, River," Jonas chuckled, his blue eyes twinkling under dirty blond bangs.

Eagerly she tugged at the lid of the box, shaking it a little - which made them chuckle - until the top popped off. Inside was something from each of her closest friends. Tears welled in her eyes and she listened to them explain. Most of them didn't have credits to go out and buy her something - not everyone on the Core was wealthy - so they'd made or given her given things of their own. Jonas gave her a framed capture of all of them laying in a pile of teenage flesh and limbs on the dance studio floor. Tuckered out and grinning, deliriously happy after a day of hard training for the Statemen's Ball where they had preformed. Marian made her an audi-disk of the songs she had danced to with Kameron, Lucy had given her her favorite red rose pendent that she'd always liked, and Will had given her had given her a beautiful stylus and ink bottle he'd designed, made from delicately hand-blown pink glass.

"For all the letters you're going to write us," Will smiled, dropping a kiss on her head.

"Happy birthday, _mei mei_," Marian whispered, pressing a kiss to her cheek before getting up, "we love you."

"Where are you all going?" she asked as the four gathered to leave.

"Kameron..." Jonas' eyes went from hers to Kam who was standing quietly against a support post of the porch, "he wants a little alone time."

"Oh," she met Kameron's eyes, felt the flicker in her belly and sharply looked away.

"Yeah," Jonas chuckled again, greatly amused by her innocence, "_oh_."

And then they were gone, moving to sit out on the lawn, sharing laughter and a pilfered bottle of plum wine from the cellar. For a long moment they didn't say a word, he stood there watching her and she focused on placing her presents back inside the box, putting it on the table by her side. Her hands were shaking and she didn't know why. She'd kissed him before, she knew he loved her - she knew him inside out. But this felt _different_. Even with their friends several yards away, everything felt still. All she could hear was the sound of his breathing and the thundering of her heartbeat, whoosh of blood in her ears. With nothing in her lap to distract her, she shoved her hands under her legs. Maybe that would still them.

"So," she looked up, her voice cracking. His eyes were dark, intense, her heart felt like it might just give out. A two second glance and she looked away. She didn't know whether to laugh, cry or throw her arms around him. Swear to him she wasn't going to The Academy. She wasn't leaving him.

"You're going," she could hear the emotion thickening his voice, "you belong there. You deserve the best they can give you..."

She still couldn't look at him. Kameron's emotions had always rested a little closer to the surface than with most guys, especially when it came to her. It was one of the things - one of many things - she loved about him. But just now the ache in his words, felt like it was tying her into knots. He wouldn't ask her to stay, it may be what he wanted but he would never ask her to make that choice. They both knew that.

"Happy birthday, River," he squatted down in front of her, placing a long narrow box on her lap.

It was wrapped in soft pink paper, with a red floral pattern and tied with a cream ribbon. Pink and red. Her favorite colors. He'd wrapped it precisely, with crisp corners and matching seams. For a moment, a chuckle rippled through her as she thought how Simon would be impressed with his attention to detail. Carefully she removed the tape and folded down the sides before gently removing the wrapping and folding it on the table. It was beautiful, hand-made paper. Expensive.

"I'm not going to just throw it away, it's too beautiful for that," she said when he gave her a little smile. That's when she noticed the emblem burned into the bamboo box, "Kameron..." she looked up at him, "I - I can't accept this."

"You don't even know what it is yet," he chuckled.

"I know but _Vianya's_ is expensive-"

"I know," he said, his smile warm as she looked down at him.

"Kam, you don't have the money-"

"_Bao bei_," he pressed a finger to her lips, "it's not about the money. Open your present."

Swallowing hard, she lifted the lid of the box and peeled back the crisp off-white cotton liner to reveal the present underneath. Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Brand new pointe shoes. She couldn't say a word. She'd mentioned before that her old ones were losing shape, and she didn't want to just ask her father for a new pair. She was blessed to have wealth, and she didn't want to wave it in front of her friends that were not. A gift like this would've been nice if unoriginal from her father, but from Kameron they were truly a gift. A treasure. She knew how hard he must've worked to get the money to buy them for her.

"Kameron, you didn't have to..." tears dripped off her chin and she couldn't stop touching them. Running her fingers over the smooth fabric, the slight roughness of the suede soles. "You even got the size right."

"I made aunt Heather check your size about eight times, and stole a pair of your old ones," he grinned, wiping tears off her cheek with his thumb.

"That's why she kept measuring my foot last month!" she laughed, tears still dripping. "Kameron, these are wonderful, exquisite really but you didn't have to spend this sort of money on me."

"_Wo ai ni_, River," he whispered. "It's you're sweet sixteen, I intend to spoil you while I can."

She smiled, set the gift aside and cupped his scruffy cheek, "What am I going to do without you?"

Slowly, he got up on his knees, looking into her eyes. Never answered her question, just cupped her face and kissed her. Kissed her slow and thorough, like he was trying to memorize it all for later. For when she was gone. Stroking her cheeks and running his fingers through her fine hair, her fingers caressing his neck, sending chills racing everywhere, clutching at his short, spiky hair.

The shuttle door slammed closed and she could hear the engine rev to a start. The memory faded, they were back. Her peace and quiet had ended even as the tingle of his kiss seemed to linger. Leaning against Simon's bed, tears tumbled down her cheeks, making dark blotches on the bright red shirt that lay in her lap. On the beautiful pointe shoes that she held tightly to her chest. She found them in an old trunk of hers stored in Simon's room. Beautiful pointe shoes, made of soft pink satin.


End file.
